Wow I have a lot on my mind. I'll start with the bad stuff. Scott's nephew passed away on Friday. We weren't close or anything but it is kind of shocking. He was 23 I think, which just scares me. I feel really awkward about being around the family. I do not like being around sad people (not that anyone does), and I just don't know how to act. There is only so many times a person can hear variations of the phrase "sorry for your loss" and I don't want to push it. I am sorry but I just don't know what to say. And I do not not not want the memories of the last times I dealt with funerals to come back. I know that I'm being incredibly selfish but it hurts badly enough that I don't want to even think about it. I guess we will see what the next few days bring.

Okay done with the bad. On to the good.

I had a wedding dream last night. Not sure if that's good or bad but it was funny. I think it is so weird how I have been having these dreams, and even weirder what happens in them. This one was the actual wedding day, and I had put my dress on and then put on my bachelorette party dress over it, and then a sweater over that and I was going to take off the sweater and bach party dress at the altar. K and I made a number to put at each plate and we were doing that while the guests were arriving. I realized I forgot to send invitations but people were coming anyways, so I was happy. My grandpa was there too. I got a little bit sad after I realized that K had seen the bottom part of my dress before the wedding, but then I was so excited about the plate numbers that I forgot about it. And then I woke up. Where does that stuff come from?

This week was spring break (can next week be as well?) and it was soo wonderful. I relaxed and did wedding things with my mom for the first few days, and then went on a roadtrip to New Orleans with K and his parents. It was a lot of fun :) I honestly do wish that spring break could continue though, because from here on out I am basically booked solid until after the wedding. Between grad parties, VEISHEA, wedding stuff, and other random things, I honestly do not have a free weekend. Plus K and I need to make a trip to Colorado between now and the wedding. So I'm getting a little stressed. It will all be fun though.

This is the choppiest blog post ever. Anyways. My aunt is going to throw me a shower! I am really excited. My bridesmaid's dresses also came in. Also very exciting! It is thunderstorming right now, for the first time really since fall. I really don't love rain but I am glad because I think this means that there is a genuine chance that spring is actually here, which means summer is getting closer. And I love summer. Since I have been home, I have been trying to find new recipes to make for K and myself. Not having a lot of luck. I hate cooking at my apartment and his too. I can't wait until we have our own home where I will not hate cooking so much. I did find a lot of smoothies I want to try though, and I don't mind plugging in the blender at my apartment, so we may be going on a liquid diet until we have tried them all ;)

I have been thinking a lot lately about how fortunate I am to have met a guy like K and how even more fortunate I am that he actually loves me too :) Not to get all sappy or anything, but he does a lot for me that I don't think anyone else would. And he deals with me, which is saying a lot, ha. So K, if you ever read this by some stroke of weirdness, I love you very much and I am thankful for you every day.

Another thing I have been thinking about lately is high school. Maybe it's because I am about to graduate college, and that doesn't seem possible since I feel like I just graduated from Kennedy last week. I found my 2 best friends' xanga accounts a few days ago. Hilarious. It was so awesome to read because we were just weird and funny little people. Not little, but just inexperienced in life? I write that like I'm experienced now or something haha (I'm not really, just to clarify). I miss the way things used to be with us-we have definitely grown apart. I still love them the same.

Well. I think I am done spilling my thoughts for today.

xoxo e

Spring Break

Finally, it's break time! I have been patiently waiting for this since about the end of Christmas break :)

Apart from me now having less than 100 days and (very slightly) less than 3 months until the wedding, my life is pretty great right now! I am still on the hunt for a job, but I really want to know where Kam will be going to grad school before I get too excited about anything. Hopefully we will know soon.

As for break, I will be spending part of next week in New Orleans with Kam and his parents. I've never been there before, so I'm excited! I am also excited because this is the first (and last) time I will be doing anything for spring break. Kam was very sweet and said he wanted to take me somewhere since I'd never gone anywhere for spring break before, and this is our last one. His parents decided randomly that they wanted to go somewhere too, so we are combining and all going together. I think it will be fun!

This weekend I got so much done. I am really relieved by that, because I was starting to get really stressed out by all the wedding stuff. It's hard to plan a wedding that is taking place 2 hours from where I live most of the time. Anyways, we met with the reception venue and decided on food! Huge weight off my shoulders. It turned out so wonderfully too, because we hadn't found an exact option from the menu that they gave us that we were in love with. Our coordinator said it was no problem, and literally let me pick exactly what we wanted. Also, we will have a lemonade fountain. That's probably the part I am most excited about :) We also met with the company that is decorating the reception. It's going to be sparkly and amazing. I seriously cannot wait to see everything!

Today we went shopping with my aunt and 2 cousins. I was banking on finding a dress for my bachelorette party, but I didn't. It's getting really frustrating, but I am just hoping that the perfect one is waiting for me somewhere! On the bright side, I did find the perfect shoes to wear with my rehearsal dinner dress. (Sorry to go in to detail on all the clothing...I am a fashion major after all) Let me re-phrase that. I could not find the perfect shoes anywhere. Given the fact that Kam is about a fourth of an inch taller than I am, I really hate wearing heels around him. I wanted silver glittery shoes, but all I could find were some seriously tall heels. Apparently no one makes silver flats with glitter. So, in true Emily nature, I made my own. And they turned out awesome. I am currently doing the same thing to a pair of old sunglasses because I love how my shoes turned out so much! I also love glitter, so I am unnaturally excited about this.

These are what my shoes looked like before I got my hands on them. This is literally the same pair-they started out black and everything!

And these are my shoes now! I am in love with them. Considering wearing them to bed...kidding! But I am proud of myself :)

March!

Whoa baby, I can't believe it's March already! It seems like January and February flew right by.

The finger crossing continues, with grad schools and job apps and wedding things. I ended up getting the part time job I was hoping for, only to receive an email today that they have eliminated the position I would be working in. Soo that was less than awesome. Oh well I guess!

Sorority formal is this Saturday. I am really excited :) It's the last one though, sad! And weird. All of the senior girls are coming though, which is amazing. We almost never get to hang out all together, so I am really looking forward to it! I also love wearing dresses, so this is the perfect opportunity.

Speaking of dresses, I cannot find a dress for my bachelorette party! I know it's not until May, but I get nervous/anxious (weird, me? never). I also still can't find shoes to go with my rehearsal dinner dress. It's hard to be a fashion major haha. I need to do some major goal setting here this week, so that I have an actual timeline of when I need to do these things. After all, the wedding is 100 days from today! I feel like when I talk to people, all they hear me say is "blah blah blah wedding blah"...hope that's not the case. I sure feel like it though.

I'm in the mood to cook. It's not going to happen, but I just thought I'd record the fact that I actually feel like it.

Ok that's all.

xoxo e