13 weeks/2nd trimester

It's been real, first trimester, but I'm not sad to see ya go! As of today we are officially in the second trimester!

Last week we had another ultrasound (and my first appointment at my own OB, who I love so much that I wish we could be friends) and everything looked perfect! Zack and Kelly's baby measured right on track and actually looked like a baby this time instead of a little dot. It still blows my mind that the tiny speck sized embryo we transferred not very long ago looks like a whole baby on the screen already. Unfortunately, with the state of things in the world, the dr. office was not allowing visitors, so I had to FaceTime Kelly for the ultrasound. I felt so sad that they couldn't be there it's still weighing on my mind.

How strange that we are already 1/3 of the way through this- it felt like we were waiting, waiting waiting, and now we are somehow growing this baby?! Everything that has happened along the way seems like a distant memory- we went to Madison for the first time a year ago (at the end of this month) and it feels like it has been way longer! We were matched with Zack and Kelly 10 months ago and now they're starting to prepare for their baby. AH! Time flies.

I don't have much else to update on- I stopped progesterone shots a few weeks ago (wahoo!) and no longer have to take meds to help sustain the pregnancy, which is awesome. I have been feeling so much better since stopping! So far I have been craving Mexican food (could be a result of pregnancy, could just be me) and sweets (again, probably just me) pretty regularly but I have been eating things that I don't normally eat, like half a bag of Cheetos for lunch one day. Hoping this bump will pop soon so that I stop feeling like I ate too many burritos!

And here's B, enjoying some rain, because I don't have a relevant picture to share this time :)

transfer + results

We are now almost 2 weeks past our transfer day- ahh! What a strange but amazing experience.

I ended up having to go in to the fertility clinic at 7 am to have a final ultrasound before the transfer to make sure everything was good to go. Thankfully, it was! I stopped and got some breakfast for us on the way home and then tried to relax before it was time to go. Right before lunch, we packed everyone up and headed to drop the kids off with our angel of a friend, Andrea. On the way to the clinic I was instructed to take a valium- hated that! I felt dizzy and weird and not at all how I was hoping to feel, ha. Once we got there, we caught up with Zack and Kelly and got checked in. We all scrubbed up (I got to wear a hospital gown and robe- yikes, I did not miss those) and then headed into the room where all the magic happens. If you've ever had a pelvic exam, you already know what the next part is like. There was a weird little window in the room where the embryologists passed Zack and Kelly's sweet embryo through (it felt like a fast food window), and from there, the doctor sent that embryo through a catheter and straight into my well-prepared uterus. The whole thing took less than 10 minutes and we got to watch on the ultrasound screen as it happened. It was surreal! They took the beginning of a human (that doesn't even belong to me!), shot it through a glorified straw, and now....

I'm so freakin excited to be able to post that! We got our second round of betas back today (the quantification of the hormone hCG in my blood) and everything is perfect so far! It was an agonizing wait from transfer to the first beta day (this past Monday) because Zack and Kelly didn't want to know what the results were if I took a pregnancy test beforehand (of course I did). Of course, I am still way early in the pregnancy, but with this genetically perfect embryo and our whole team rallying behind us- I know it's going to be fine! Next step is an ultrasound to peek at that little baby later this month. Is this real life?! What a freakin adventure!

transfer eve

Our transfer is tomorrow! These past few weeks have been strange- I've been thinking of everything in terms of pre-transfer and post-transfer (because hopefully post-transfer, I'll be pregnant!). I went to an event earlier this week with the dog rescue I volunteer with and thought to myself this is my last hurrah before I'm pregnant and last night I had to check our fridge for any of "my" beer (the dark, delicious kind) to drink before I can't for a long time. So strange to know when it's going to happen vs. have it be a surprise!

This past Sunday I started my second round of injections (the final med I have to take!) in preparation for the transfer. I'll do these injections as well as continue with estrogen replacement (supplement? I'm not a doctor) until the pregnancy is well established. Thankfully, because of some advice to grab an ice pack, the injections aren't nearly as bad as I was expecting. On the other hand, the aftermath is totally lame- my injection sites are really sore, like I completed an intense workout that focused only on that area (I assure you, I did not). Since the injections are intramuscular, I guess I should have expected that! All good though- small potatoes in the grand scope. I also have a helper that sits with me during the injections and holds my warm compress, which helps a lot ;) And shoutout to Kameron for being willing to give me the injections!

Sorry for the repeat photo if you follow my Instagram. The needle on the right was for my first round, and the one on the left is what I'm currently using for my injections. Slightly more intimidating! :)

Tomorrow, we go into the clinic after lunch and they'll do the transfer and then we just wait. I'll go back to the clinic for a blood test 10 (ish) days after the transfer to see if the embryo stuck. Please send all of your good vibes and thoughts our way! It seems unreal that a year ago I was starting this process by filling out a bunch of paperwork without a clue what the future would hold, and now I'm counting down the hours until I'll have the honor of carrying Zack and Kelly's embryo. Whew, wish us luck!! 

Boris, my shot helper and compress holder. Who doesn't love an extra puppy photo?

it's happening!

It's been a little bit since my last update! Mostly because we spent a lot of time just waiting. As I mentioned earlier, my OB didn't want to clear me for another pregnancy until December (18 months between pregnancies) and we had to get a legal contract drawn up and signed before we could officially do anything.

But now! Now we have a whole timeline set up and it's just wild to me that it's finally happening. I started injections on Christmas and our transfer is tentatively scheduled for the end of January. I'll go in this week for a baseline ultrasound to make sure the current meds that I'm injecting are doing their job of shutting down my reproductive system, and then I'll start hormone replacement meds this weekend. A week before the transfer, I'll go in for another ultrasound to make sure things are looking good and comfy in there for the embryo. If it is (it will be!), we'll go in for the transfer 7 days later!

I was nervous about the shots initially, but since I had so much time to think about it, I had kind of just accepted them and moved on. And really, they're not bad at all! Yet, anyway. I use tiny insulin needles and do my own injections right now and it barely feels like a pin prick. Sometime in the next couple of weeks, I'll start another med that is injected with 1.5" needles, and I'm a little (lot) more nervous about that. Kameron will do those injections for me and I'm not jazzed about the thought of not being in control of them. He'll do fine. Right?

Send lots of good vibes for my body and the meds to work their magic!

the fertility clinic

Whew, it feels like this train is finally starting to move! It seems a little surreal- to go from talking about this to actually being just about to the point where we will actually start the medical process.

Today I had my final medical clearance at the fertility clinic that we will be using for the embryo transfer (and conveniently, the same clinic that our IPs used for their egg retreival). This is the final medical hurdle to check off the list before we start the cycle for the transfer! I was feeling a little nervous about this appointment because I knew there would be talk of how to give shots (and honestly, that is the thing I am most nervous about with this entire process).

The appointment was a 3 parter- a meeting with the gestational carrier coordinator, lab work, and a saline ultrasound to check out my uterus. If the word uterus makes you uncomfortable, you should leave now.

First up, our meeting with the GC coordinator for the clinic. This woman might just be the most organized person in the world. She makes a calendar for each gestational carrier detailing the med schedule (which changes like every 6 days) and keeps track of...everything, it seems like. And I'm over here writing down appointments in 4 different places so that hopefully I make it to the right place with the right kid at the right time. During this meeting we talked about the next steps, the timing of everything once we start the med cycle, and the shots. There are two different types of shots, so I got to practice one and Kameron learned about how to correctly give me the other (it's a bum shot, how nice).

Lab work; easy. A quick blood draw and pee in a cup.

The saline ultrasound was super weird. But kind of cool, because I could see everything on the screen in the room? Like a first trimester ultrasound (if you've had one to compare) but also they put some saline solution in your uterus to make it easier to look around. Science, man. Wow. It sounds like everything looked good and so now, we wait some more.

The next steps are to wait for bloodwork- after that comes back, the clinic will give the green light to our agency to start the legal work. From there, a contract will be drawn up for us and our IPs to sign. Once this has been signed by everyone, the agency will notify the clinic and then the GC coordinator will call me and Kelly and date the cycle! I'm looking forward to knowing when things will really start.

I feel so glad to have another box checked off of the to do list. It seems like this has taken forever, but I have no patience so the waiting has been hard (and good) for me. I try to keep myself in check by remembering how Kelly must feel and how it's probably harder for her to wait but also probably overwhelming that this is happening (and really starting to happen now). I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience this and so freakin excited to help complete their family!

we officially have IPs!

We had our match meeting yesterday! I don't even know to properly explain what was/have been feeling for the past 24 hours. It was amazing and I feel so good about our intended parents.

I'll share a very little bit about our IPs. They are a straight couple that lives in our state- they have one child already, but for medical reasons, the intended mother cannot carry any more pregnancies. That's all I will share for the moment, because while I want to be really transparent about this process and what it's like to be a surrogate, I also want to respect their privacy and their journey through this. And because I won't be sharing their real names, I have named them Zack and Kelly for ease of mention during all of this :)

Let's rewind. Back when we went to Madison I didn't have a clear vision of who I wanted to carry for- I just want to help someone who needs it. I kind of envisioned being matched with a gay couple, and after our meetings, I said if I could cherry pick, I would pick an international gay couple. I was nervous about the relationship I might have with an intended mother who was using surrogacy as a last resort because her body wasn't on her side, whereas a gay couple is typically just excited that someone is willing to do this for them because they always knew they couldn't do it themselves (or so I'm told). I kept my application open though, because I wasn't set on carrying for a gay couple. When I got the call that we were matched I was a little caught off guard that we were matched with a straight couple (though in hindsight, I can see how this stacked up and should not have been surprised!). I want to stress that I was truly just caught off guard and in no way was I disappointed.

Unsurprisingly, our match seems pretty close to perfect- the women at our agency are really good at their jobs. I can only carry as a surrogate one time, since I have had 3 previous c-sections (this is a hard rule in the world of 3rd party reproduction), and our IPs only want one more child. I had been feeling sad/guilty that I wouldn't be able to do a sibling project for my IPs (before being matched) because I just assumed they wouldn't already have children, so it was such a relief to be put into this match where the only expectation/desire is one healthy baby.

For our meeting, we met at one of the agency's offices with two of the three founders of the agency and our IPs. We discussed why we were all there, what our opinions were on different aspects of the pregnancy, the timeline, and a lot of other things like the Spice Girls and the antics of toddlers. After our meeting, we went out to dinner just the 4 of us. It was a lot like what I imagine a blind date to be, but Kelly and I did end up sharing our dinner, so I guess you can say we are jumping right in. I  might even have her baby in the next year or so ;)

After leaving dinner, I emailed the agency to let them know that we wanted to move forward with the match, and this morning, they emailed back to let me know that they were on the way to drop off my file at the fertility clinic, because Zack and Kelly also wanted to move forward! Our timeline feels long but I'm sure it will move right along- the next step is for me to get a medical clearance from the fertility clinic that we are working with. We are all hoping that this will happen sometime this summer so that we can be on track to do an embryo transfer in December (the soonest my dr. will sign off on). Stay tuned! :)

A blog post isn't a blog post without a picture, right?  This is all I have from our  "meeting" even though this was pre-meeting. Spoiler alert: I went with the mules on the left. 

a match!

I got the phone call that I've been waiting for today! A potential match!

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last week. I finished nursing Briggs and I knew that was the last big step before being matched, and I also know that since my application has been in for a while, they have had a lot of time to think about who we would match well with. Let's see how many times I can say match in this blog post.

Last week, I emailed LeeAnn, my wonderful contact at our agency, and let her know that I was done nursing. I hoped that she would email back right away like "great, now here's your match!" but unsurprisingly, she didn't. Earlier this week, I thought to myself wouldn't it be weird and cool to get a match on Briggs's birthday? And then I kind of forgot about it because we have a lot going on this weekend. 

This morning, I made myself a list of things to do before Kameron got home so that we could celebrate our new 1 year old without having to worry about things that needed to be done. I took the big kids in for a haircut, went to Target, went to the grocery store, came home and made lunch, blah blah blah. I started to unload the dishwasher and my phone rang and the caller ID said Hope (thank you, past self, for putting their number in your phone so that you'd answer when they called). I started shaking immediately. 

I chatted with Mary and LeeAnn, 2/3 of the powers that be at Hope (our agency). They let me know that they had an exciting potential match for us and shared some details and asked what I thought. I told them to go ahead and pass on our info to the IPs because they sound great! I don't want to share much more than that yet, since our match is not official, and likely,  the IPs have not even received our information. But once it is official (and assuming they are okay with it), I'll be back to share more! 

For now, the IPs will receive all of our information- what we are looking for in our IPs and relationship, our beliefs, a letter that I wrote to them when I applied, and some background info on our family. They will let the agency know if they'd like to move forward or not, and if they do, we will schedule a match meeting to meet in person!

Keep your fingers crossed for us!

One year ago today-  happy birthday baby Briggs!