Wrapping Up

 I've had some final thoughts since my last post- a wrap up of my surrogacy journey I guess! 

I'm so fortunate that Zack and Kelly have kept in touch and sent pictures and updates of their family. It's so fun to see that little baby grow! I can't wait until the day we can safely see each other and spend some time together that does not involve being in the hospital. 

It has now been a whole year (+ a few days) since the embryo transfer- wild. It doesn't seem possible- I told Kelly the other day that it feels like yesterday and also feels like years ago at the same time. The past year has been such a ride (for more reasons than just this journey, am I right?!) and I'm so grateful to have this experience as part of my story. The first time I thought of doing this a few years ago, I didn't know if it would ever become a reality; it just seemed like such a big thing, like a process that I didn't know how to start or who to turn to for help. I'm so glad that Kameron lets me run with some (not all, ha!) of the ideas I spout off, because this has truly been one of the coolest things I've experienced in my 31 years.

I hope that by sharing all of this, someone has had the thought to go on a big journey of their own- whether it's being a surrogate, making a big life change, adopting a dog (definitely this one), or taking that trip. I am always happy to share more if you (or your friend that I've never met!) have specific questions or want to go down this road yourself.

I'll wrap up with a few more questions I've gotten since the baby was born! Thanks for sharing all of this with me and allowing me to share it all with you! :)

Q: Does it make you sad to not be with the baby? Did you feel sad at the hospital or did it feel weird that you didn't get to have the baby with you?
A: No, no, and no. Enthusiastically, no! I have not felt an ounce of sadness about not having the baby with me at any point. She is not and never was my baby! This is the most common question I have gotten and I can't stress enough that I have no sad feelings regarding any of this whole process (except not being able to see them now because of Covid). When I think of the baby, I feel so happy because she is with her family and I know how much they love her. If you are considering becoming a surrogate and worried about this, please don't let this be what stops you from going forward. 

Q: Did you have to pay for delivery/hospital bills?
A: Nope. None of this process was of any cost to me. Of course it depends on your agency and the contract between you and your IPs, but I do think this is common practice.

Q: How was everything set up at the hospital? Did the baby stay in your room? Where did the parents stay?
A: I had my own room, just like I had when I delivered my own babies. Zack and Kelly had a room as well where they and baby stayed. We all got to leave on the same day and could visit each other's rooms as often as we liked.

Q: Did the parents get to see their baby being born? Wasn't that weird? Did you feel awkward?
A: I covered this a little in my last post, but yes- Zack and Kelly were present in the OR when their baby was born. They held her, did skin to skin, cut the cord, etc. It wasn't weird- I wanted them there! They sat up by my head behind the drape that is used for c-sections. Also- I'm pretty sure that scene was nothing they hadn't seen before, if they looked ;) I tried to make it as not weird as I could, because I didn't want to take away from the special-ness of their baby being born!

Q: Did you get maternity leave? Did Kelly?
A: To be honest, I have no clue about my maternity leave. I work from home (even before Covid) and until recently worked part time and created my own schedule, so it has always been very flexible. I took the rest of the week off after birth and the following Monday as well. I'm sure I could have taken more time, but since I usually work from the couch anyway, it didn't seem necessary. Kelly did take maternity leave- as she deserved to! 

Q: Will you be a surrogate again?
A: As much as I would like to, no. I'm at the limit for c-section deliveries that the people who make the rules allow. And to be clear, the people who make the rules are an advisory board that makes rules for surrogacy as a whole in this country, not just at my OB or in the state of MN. I would, however, do it again in a heartbeat- assuming I was allowed and could have as perfect of a match as Kelly and Zack :)

And, since someone told me once that a blog post isn't a real post without a photo, here's a completely unrelated picture of me and Briggs, the true reason why I am done having my own children, ha :)

surprise!

 Earlier this week I was thinking of what I would put on my to-do list for next week since I would be in quarantine and need to keep busy. Turns out, the to-do list will have to wait, because we had a baby this morning!

If you don't want the details, here's the short version. My water broke on it's own last night and I met Zack and Kelly at the hospital- three hours later, they were holding their sweet baby girl in their arms! We are all doing great!

Here's the longer version with the grosser details. I was putting my big kids to bed when I felt a weird...trickle? But I have never gone into labor on my own and did not think it was something I was even capable of doing to be honest. So I just kind of ignored it and went on with the night. Kameron and I watched an episode of a show we just started and I felt the trickle a few more times and thought wellllll maybe this is something to worry about? I told him I thought maybe my water was leaking and we were both like- what do we do? We've never had this problem before, ha! We started another episode of our show and kind of debated if I should call the nurse line at my OB office. I ended up calling and while I was on the phone, there was a definite gush and I could not stop laughing about it. The poor woman from the answering service was trying to take all my information so that the doctor could call me back and she had to ask me to repeat the same thing 3 times because I was laughing too hard! The doctor called back and said I should head to labor and delivery to be checked out. Naturally, I had packed a bag on Monday before my doctor appointment, just in case, but then unpacked it when I got home that day. Kameron helped me pack up some things and call Zack and Kelly to let them know we might be having a baby! Unfortunately since we don't have any local family, Kameron had to stay home with our sleeping babies and I drove myself to the hospital, wrapped in towels and listening to 90's hip hop the whole way.

When I got to the hospital, I went straight to triage where they swabbed me for amniotic fluid and administered a Covid test (100% do not recommend, ew). Zack and Kelly arrived and we went back and forth like-- how is this real?! Because it definitely did not seem real! We had a date scheduled for the baby to come and I think we were all kind of in disbelief that it was happening before that. The swab came back positive for fluid, confirming that my water had broken, and the Covid test came back negative, so I got to ditch my mask, and off we went! Zack and Kelly got to be with me in the operating room and see their beautiful baby girl be born. I cannot even express how amazing it was to see their expressions when the doctor held her up! They had both guessed that she would be a boy :) 

We are all healthy and recovering well! I am still pinching myself that this is real- I was not expecting this baby to come on her own! This has been such a wonderful journey and it's hard to believe that our goal has officially been met- Zack and Kelly have their baby in their arms! Since she is not mine to share, I won't post her photo, but know that she's as cute as they come (and here's me in my fancy gown, as a replacement, ha!).

36(ish) weeks!

 Whoa has the time been flying! I am more than 36 weeks now with less than 3 weeks until this sweet baby enters the world! I think this will be my last update pregnant?! 

There is not much new to say, all of our check ups have been perfect and I'm still feeling good. I am so looking forward to the moment when Zack and Kelly meet their baby! Kelly was able to come with me to my 32 week appointment where I got a final growth scan and I am so grateful that my OB made the exception for her to come- we went from thinking she would be able to attend all of the appointments to her not being able to attend any. One week before baby comes I'll have to go get tested for Covid and then quarantine until delivery- AH. I am not looking forward to being stuck at home (it's not like I do anything anyway, but being stuck makes me anxious!). Seems like a good time to decorate for Halloween and make sure my house is clean I guess! 

It is so strange to think that the baby part of this journey is almost over. It feels like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time that we were at the fertility clinic for the embryo transfer. And now there's a whole entire baby kicking and rolling around in there. I'm still feeling super grateful to have been a part of this- there really isn't an accurate way to describe how amazing it feels that Zack and Kelly have trusted me enough to carry their child. I will be forever in awe of their strength, patience, and kindness throughout this process! A bump photo to hold you over- I'll be back after this baby enters the world! (And as a disclaimer, I won't be sharing photos of the baby out of respect for the privacy of their family!)

28 weeks!

It's hard to believe that I'm sitting here with a 28 week bump, but here we are! This has been such a strange pregnancy because of the state of the world. I mean, there are so many things I worried about with my own pregnancies in normal life, but adding in all that has been going on has just been...wow.

I go in for my glucose test tomorrow morning- blah! It's not really that bad and I am excited to have a quiet hour to myself, but I do hate that I can't drink any water during the test. Add in the fact that I have to wear a mask and I'm like...no thank you not today! It'll be fine but I just wanted to complain for a moment ;)

I've been still feeling so bad that Kelly and Zack aren't able to come to any appointments. We haven't had any exciting ones since the 20 week ultrasound but it really bums me out. Every time I get an email from my OB, I cross my fingers that it says I can bring a visitor with me. Thankfully we have kept in touch well and I am so hopeful that we can at least plan dinner or something before the baby comes. Speaking of which...whoa that is coming up quickly! We have a date for my scheduled c-section (all of my prior deliveries have been c-sections), which is nice because it finally feels more official.

Third trimester is starting off with some rib discomfort and annoyance that none of my shirts fit, but I'll take it! It could be so much worse. We've been spending a lot of time outside even though it's freakin hot- don't worry, I've been eating enough ice cream to keep my body temp in a safe range :) I have been trying to stay moving and active but it's getting harder to convince myself to do! I still can't believe that I have been given the chance to do this and that we are less than 3 months away from a baby- so grateful and happy to be on this ride!

20 weeks! + some FAQ

Somehow we are halfway through this pregnancy already- truly mindblown! Maybe time has gone so quickly because time is pretty much all relative at this point. Not even sure what day it is anymore.

This has been a pretty smooth pregnancy so far and I feel so lucky to have yet another good experience, because I know it's not easy for some. I haven't felt too terrible at any point- first trimester consisted of some blah days, but that has been the worst of it so far. I am starting to get a little bump and feel some thumps and taps in there! :) I still feel so honored to be carrying this baby and try to tell him/her about their cool parents every day.

We had our anatomy scan today at the maternal fetal medicine clinic- my OB refers all IVF patients to this clinic to have a higher level ultrasound. I was (am still) so annoyed that Zack and Kelly were unable to attend because of Covid-19 but that's a whole other topic. Luckily we were able to FaceTime so they could see the whole ultrasound! Everything looked perfect and I am so relieved and thankful! I'll go back in a few weeks to check baby's heart and I'm sure my glucose test will be on the calendar before too long too. Crossing my fingers so hard that visitor restrictions are relaxed soon so that Zack and Kelly can at least attend a few appointments and we don't have to worry about the hospital stay in October.

I have been asked a lot of questions in the last few months and wanted to compile a list of questions and answers, if nothing else for me to remember someday!

Q: What made you want to do this? Isn't it weird/scary/awkward?
A: Pregnancy has been easy for me and I know it's not easy for everyone. I felt grateful to have had 3 easy pregnancies resulting in 3 healthy babies and wanted to give someone else that opportunity too. It's only as awkward as you make it and no scarier than carrying my own baby! The weirdest part for me has been not being able to share all of the moments with Zack and Kelly the way that I wish I could.

Q: Is the baby related to you?
A: Nope, not even a little. Zack and Kelly had their own embryo.

Q: Will you have to take care of the baby after it's born?
A: No, I have no legal rights to the baby! Obviously I would be happy to help out however I can in the hospital, but I can't bring the baby home or claim it as my own (and I don't want to! I'm just the middle man here ;) )

Q: Do you have to breastfeed or pump?
A: If that's something that Zack and Kelly wanted me to do, I would, but I'm not required to.

Q: How does it all work? Did you know Zack and Kelly?
A: I think I have covered this pretty heavily, but we applied with a surrogacy agency that we liked and they took it from there. I filled out an extensive application (as did Zack and Kelly) and we all went through a psychological evaluation prior to being matched. The agency compared our information and personalities and matched us up- we didn't know each other beforehand. We both had to agree that we wanted to work with one another and then started the legal and medical process, starting with a contract and ending with a pregnancy!

Q: What does your husband/family think? Do your kids understand?
A: Initially, Kameron was unsure of the whole thing. I think he was mostly nervous for me to go through another pregnancy and have another c-section. After meeting the women at our agency and having our match meeting, I think he felt much more comfortable! My family has also been really supportive and I am so thankful for that- I have a huge team of cheerleaders behind me! As for my kids, I'm not totally sure if they understand. Beckett and Halston know that I have a baby in my belly, and Beckett knows it's not our baby but we are helping someone else have a baby. I think that's about as deep as their understanding goes.

Q: Will you be part of the baby's life at all?
A: Going into this, both parties kind of said that we will just let things happen. I'd love to see the baby grow up and keep in touch with the whole family, but I definitely understand that people drift as time goes on and some families want privacy. We will see, and I will be okay with whatever the future holds :)

Q: Don't you think it will be hard to give up the baby?/How can you let the baby go?/I could never give up a baby.
A: I'm sure I will have sad feelings at some point, but I don't think they'll outweigh the good feelings. I do love the newborn stage (have you ever smelled a newborn's little head?!) but I didn't go into this thinking that I'd be bringing a baby home. I have known from day 1 that this is not my baby and the thought of bringing this baby home has never even crossed my mind. I am ecstatic for Zack and Kelly to meet their baby and complete their family! It's much easier to wrap your head around the scenario when you remember that this isn't my baby :)

Always happy to answer more questions if you have them!

Pardon my instagram photo, I forgot to save it! 

13 weeks/2nd trimester

It's been real, first trimester, but I'm not sad to see ya go! As of today we are officially in the second trimester!

Last week we had another ultrasound (and my first appointment at my own OB, who I love so much that I wish we could be friends) and everything looked perfect! Zack and Kelly's baby measured right on track and actually looked like a baby this time instead of a little dot. It still blows my mind that the tiny speck sized embryo we transferred not very long ago looks like a whole baby on the screen already. Unfortunately, with the state of things in the world, the dr. office was not allowing visitors, so I had to FaceTime Kelly for the ultrasound. I felt so sad that they couldn't be there it's still weighing on my mind.

How strange that we are already 1/3 of the way through this- it felt like we were waiting, waiting waiting, and now we are somehow growing this baby?! Everything that has happened along the way seems like a distant memory- we went to Madison for the first time a year ago (at the end of this month) and it feels like it has been way longer! We were matched with Zack and Kelly 10 months ago and now they're starting to prepare for their baby. AH! Time flies.

I don't have much else to update on- I stopped progesterone shots a few weeks ago (wahoo!) and no longer have to take meds to help sustain the pregnancy, which is awesome. I have been feeling so much better since stopping! So far I have been craving Mexican food (could be a result of pregnancy, could just be me) and sweets (again, probably just me) pretty regularly but I have been eating things that I don't normally eat, like half a bag of Cheetos for lunch one day. Hoping this bump will pop soon so that I stop feeling like I ate too many burritos!

And here's B, enjoying some rain, because I don't have a relevant picture to share this time :)

transfer + results

We are now almost 2 weeks past our transfer day- ahh! What a strange but amazing experience.

I ended up having to go in to the fertility clinic at 7 am to have a final ultrasound before the transfer to make sure everything was good to go. Thankfully, it was! I stopped and got some breakfast for us on the way home and then tried to relax before it was time to go. Right before lunch, we packed everyone up and headed to drop the kids off with our angel of a friend, Andrea. On the way to the clinic I was instructed to take a valium- hated that! I felt dizzy and weird and not at all how I was hoping to feel, ha. Once we got there, we caught up with Zack and Kelly and got checked in. We all scrubbed up (I got to wear a hospital gown and robe- yikes, I did not miss those) and then headed into the room where all the magic happens. If you've ever had a pelvic exam, you already know what the next part is like. There was a weird little window in the room where the embryologists passed Zack and Kelly's sweet embryo through (it felt like a fast food window), and from there, the doctor sent that embryo through a catheter and straight into my well-prepared uterus. The whole thing took less than 10 minutes and we got to watch on the ultrasound screen as it happened. It was surreal! They took the beginning of a human (that doesn't even belong to me!), shot it through a glorified straw, and now....

I'm so freakin excited to be able to post that! We got our second round of betas back today (the quantification of the hormone hCG in my blood) and everything is perfect so far! It was an agonizing wait from transfer to the first beta day (this past Monday) because Zack and Kelly didn't want to know what the results were if I took a pregnancy test beforehand (of course I did). Of course, I am still way early in the pregnancy, but with this genetically perfect embryo and our whole team rallying behind us- I know it's going to be fine! Next step is an ultrasound to peek at that little baby later this month. Is this real life?! What a freakin adventure!