beckett's birth story

well, this is a little late! tiny humans are very demanding :) i had intended on writing this a week or two after we got home from the hospital, but i have been busy snuggling my little guy!

as a disclaimer, there might be some things that you don't care to know in this story. if that's the case, here is the short version: beckett was born on october 25th via c section. he weight 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21 and a quarter inches long.

now for the real deal.

i had my 39 week dr appointment on friday, october 24th. i was hopeful that my dr would give me an end date at least, but wasn't counting on it. kameron hadn't been to my weekly appointments with me because they are so short, but for some reason he decided to come to this one last minute (as in, set his alarm to go to work and then shut it off and told me i had to take him after the appointment). my appointment was the same as usual- cervix check, belly measurement, any questions? any contractions? she also told me we could schedule an induction for my due date (the following monday) if i wanted. yes please! before she went to schedule me, she said she wanted to put me on some monitors to check out the baby- i had been to labor & delivery the previous monday because i had a terrible headache and some timeable contractions and she wanted to rule out pre eclampsia. she sent me with the nurse to be monitored and went to schedule the induction.

once i was hooked up, the nurse told me i was having contractions about every 4 minutes- i felt nothing! she said "wow you must have a very high pain tolerance!" at which point both kameron and i laughed out loud because...no. after i was hooked up for a few minutes, she brought me in my scheduling slip and then checked the monitor tape. she was quiet and said she would grab the doctor because she thought she might want to see. the doctor came in and watched for a bit, and then said "we aren't waiting the weekend to see what happens, you can go to the hospital now." and just when i thought i was all prepared to have this baby, i wasn't. she told me she thought my placenta had stopped functioning because the baby's heart rate was dropping with each contraction, and that i could go home to get my stuff only if it was on the way to the hospital, and that she would see me soon. i called my mom in a panic, kameron drove us home to let the dogs out and grab my bag, and off we went!

we got to the hospital at 11 am and i was admitted to a labor room right away. they started me on pitocin to strengthen my contractions and help dilate my cervix. this was the most boring thing. the nurse came back every 30 minutes to turn up my dose and check on the baby, and then my doctor showed up at 1 to break my water. it was so, so gross. after that, the contractions began to get a little more painful, but they were still tolerable. our nurses had a shift change, so i got a new one and she was so nice. my mom also got there around 2 (i think) and hung out with us. she made me get up and walk the halls a few times, which i was not a fan of, but it was nice to get out of that room for a bit! my nurse told me i could get an epidural any time that i wanted-just to let her know and she would call for the anesthesiologist right away. i had planned for an epidural, but all of a sudden i was really nervous about it. i kept putting it off and saying i would wait another 30 minutes or i would do it at 5:30. eventually at 6:30 i asked her to call for it. i asked her a million questions and started to cry because i was so scared! when the anesthesiologist got there, he explained what he was going to do and had kameron sit in front of me. it honestly was not nearly as terrible as i expected. i got really cold and shaky afterwards, which he said was normal, and then it was magical. such a weird feeling- to be able to feel your legs but not really feel anything. after that, i was stuck in bed until delivery!

the nurse had been checking my progress every few hours, and it was going sloooow. she mentioned that my doctor was only on duty until 8, and that it wasn't looking like anything was going to happen by then. i was nervous because i hadn't met any of the other doctors from my clinic and i love my doctor (so much!). the nurses changed shift again and my new nurse was really quiet. i wasn't sure that i liked her and it bummed me out that the other one had left. then my mom left to go to our house for the night and take care of the dogs. so surreal to say goodbye to her knowing (well, hoping) that when she came back the next day, i would have a baby to show her! a few hours went by and i drifted in and out of sleep, and the nurse checked me again. she said she was going to call the on call doctor because i wasn't progressing very quickly, and she thought she might need to give me a higher dose of pitocin. a while later she came back and said my doctor was actually following me and would be here for my delivery! such a relief. things get hazy around here. they turned up the pitocin and my contractions got so strong that they turned the pitocin back off. then the contractions all but stopped completely, so back on it went. beckett's heart rate was slowing with the intense contractions also. i was having to rotate from side to back to side every 30 minutes so that my epidural didn't settle, and at some point, every time i was on my back, beckett's heart rate dropped enough that they had to give me oxygen. the nurse called my doctor and told her not to put me on my back anymore (duh). so rotate rotate repeat. after what felt like 100 more cervical checks, i still wasn't where i should have been and beckett's heart rate was still not stable, so the nurse said it was time to call in the doctor so that she could check it out. it took the doctor an hour to get there because there was an accident on the interstate, but once she was there she checked me and said they would give me an hour and then make a decision on what to do next. two hours later, she says she will give me another hour. at that point, i was frustrated and tired and anxious, and i started to cry. i was so overwhelmed and i just wanted to know when i would be holding my baby. shortly after, she came back and said she thought it was time to do a c-section. the baby wasn't tolerating labor well and i wasn't progressing, and we had given it plenty of time to make reasonable progress. i was okay with that and waited for a few minutes to get the paperwork to sign.

side note- about 30 minutes before my doctor decided on the c-section, the anesthesiologist on duty came into my room and said "so you're heading for a c-section!" and began to introduce herself. i was caught off guard and confused, and then it turns out she had gone into the wrong room!

after i signed the necessary paperwork, the anesthesiologist came back (into the right room this time) and dosed up my epidural and chatted with me. kameron put on scrubs and got ready. this was about 3 am. they wheeled me into the OR and prepped me while kameron waited outside. i was not a fan of him being outside of the room- i wanted him there to calm me down! i was strapped to the table with my arms straight out at my sides and a drape up right below my chest. the anesthesiologist and kameron stayed up by my head and talked with me, and before i knew it, my doctor was holding up beckett and saying "emily, this is your baby!" they cleaned him up and kameron was allowed to go take pictures and hold him while they stitched me up. beckett was born at 3:45 am on october 25th! he weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz and was 21 1/4 inches long. kameron and beckett headed to our recovery room, and i was wheeled in shortly after. it was about 4:30 before i finally got to hold him, but it was the best moment. i kept saying "he's so soft!" and i couldn't believe how much i loved him! we sent out some texts to our families and close friends (kameron's sister first- we promised her if the baby was born on her wedding day, she would be the first one we told, and her wedding was later that afternoon!) and then got some sleep.

i'm actually pretty happy with how everything went. i went into pregnancy with no hard opinions about birth- however they need to get the baby out was fine with me, as long as we were both safe and healthy. my doctor actually told me after my surgery that there was no way beckett would have made it out on his own. he was getting stuck in my pelvis and had marks on his head from where he was hitting my bones! my c-section recovery wasn't terrible either! i was allowed to walk about 48 hours after the surgery (i tried to stand 24 hours after and the nurses decided i wasn't ready), and after i was out of bed i felt really good. we got to go home on tuesday, and the first few days were a little rocky. beckett was a lazy eater, so he wasn't gaining weight, and i was an emotional mess. i cried almost every night for a week! i knew about baby blues, but of course had no idea that it would affect me. i felt better pretty quickly, and it helped to have kameron at home with us for a few weeks.

i still can't believe i'm lucky enough to be this little guy's mama. he is the coolest!

i will try to keep this updated with stories about him and get back to regular blog posts, but i haven't decided if i will post pictures of him here or not. i'm feeling a little weird about sharing them here where anyone can read. (look up baby role play on instagram if you need validation for my feelings. or don't if you're easily creeped out) i am happy to share photos in texts or email though :)

xoxo,
e